Pass me the Tequila

Exams are officially over!
YES PLEASE! I’m soooo amped.

They couldn’t have ended soon enough. I wrote two exams back-to-back yesterday, pulled another all-nighter to study, consumed a total of 28 cans of Red Bull and about 15 packets of Jellytots in the 3 week exam period. Yesterday I schlepped around Sandton with Biltong Bro Part the 2nd, post exam, on no sleep whatsoever – he needed stuff before he went back to Swazi. I was also dumb enough to go to gym and do Simon’s killer high-lo class due to all the Jellytots consumed to make myself feel better about the 5 kilos I’ve put on. I’m buggered to say the least – but in no way, shape or form is that going to stop me from drinking copious amounts of Tequilsh tomorrow, Friday and maybe even Saturday, especially if the Bulls win.

So as the day goes on I’m finding more and more reasons to get completely plastered.

Firstly I awake on this fine Johannesburg day, albeit at 07h05 when I should've been up at 06h30 at the very latest, in a relatively fine mood.Then I get to my car to find that both the Maj and Faj have parked me in. Seriously? Seriously?

So it then takes another 10 minutes to get them out to move their cars. I'm late for work, not technically, but according to my own standards. I'm not happy anymore. Still I try to make the day mine and walk into the office with a smile on my face. I sit down and open my email folder. 136 messages? In 3 days? Are you effing kidding me? Granted some of it was generic joke-mail but only about 20 emails. Sigh.

Day goes on, get through the work, and at about 13h30 I call the Faj to ask if he saw my licence papers that I left in the kitchen for him as he’d promised me he’d get my new licence for me – even though I’ve asked him every month since Jan and he STILL hasn’t gotten it.

His first excuse was that he was putting up shelves at my sister’s house and he would do it on his next day off. He then went and had my mom’s and his renews and forgot about me/mine. It is now approximately 4 months overdue – yes folks. Indeed. It wasn’t a fine I’d received that the Maj had a good moan at me about (yes, I’m still a fine-less drive, touch wood) but the fact the licence was overdue. Go figure.

He then goes off on a tangent about how I should have told him that I’d left it there and why didn’t I talk to him about it last night.


ME: “Dad, you actually promised you’d do it on Monday, but then made plans to do something for work at 7am, so AGAIN I took a back seat. You said you’d do it on your day off, today, so I put it out lastnight.”

FAJ: “SO WHY DID YOU NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT LAST NIGHT?”

ME: “Uhm, do we live on the same planet? Did you not see what I looked like when you got home? I was the walking dead”

FAJ: “WELL I’M A 54 YEAR OLD MAN AND I FORGET THINGS, WHY DID YOU NOT PHONE ME SOONER I COULD HAVE DONE IT THIS MORNING?”

ME: “Well dad, I haven’t been at the office in 3 days, have 136 emails to attend to and I pretty stressed as you can imagine. I cant deal with this. You used to forget about me and leave me at school but this is a whole different kind of thing. This has been going on for months.”


Eventually I give up, he puts the phone down in my ear. And forgets about me. Again.

My day then precedes to get worse when I order a schnitzel and mash for lunch from our canteen with everyone else. By 14h00 it still hasn’t arrived, so I phone them. They forgot about me. Nice. Forgotten about YET again. Is this some kind of sick joke? Here I am, practically ready to eat my own forearm off and they’ve forgotten to make me lunch. Throw me a frikkin bone.

And the bane of my existence this week is my cellular telecommunications provider. They grate me.

They cut my phone on Monday because the payment didn't go through, subsquent to one of our Directors forgetting to sign off the salary payments and our entire company not getting paid. Fine. Understandable - even though it wasn’t my fault.

You can just imagine what a happy camper I've been. I paid the money in yesterday, faxed 2 different peeps the confirmation and still nothing this morning.

I then called them AGAIN (about the 75th time in 3 days) and the payment was reflected so the line is up. Except I can't receive any calls and my text messages are not being delivered. Seriously...What the Fack? It now means I have been without a mobile phone for almost 3 whole days. I feel like I'm living in the early Nineties.

If I had tequila in my car, like my Bokkie tends to keep as ‘Kaaa Baaa’ in hers, I would be well drunk by this point in time. Well-paralytic in fact.

So here’s to all the Tequila’s I plan to consume at Missy-Dog's farewell (she’s leaving to go back to Slaapstad *tear*) tomorrow, at Girls Night on Friday. And hoping I don’t get pulled over by the Pigs and get arrested with my outstanding licence.

Clink clink.