Poskantoor

Its official.
I could, quite possibly, be worst blogger in all history.
Tomorrow, the 18th of November 2009, it will be exactly 2 months since I last blogged.

Much has happened in the time past.
I was certainly Spring Broken as I’d promised I would be in my last blog.
No lies…Brooooookkkkken.
The Vig even thought’d be funny to give me 2 Heat fat burners in my state. Not so funny. I was afraid my heart would stop it was beating so hard.
Mental note: Never let Vig give me fat burners when already intoxicated.

I also got us hooked up in a stunning room in the Cabanas so this time we at least had a proper bed to sleep on – even though it wasn’t The Palace and we couldn't attack the mini-bar. Thankfully though, none of us got sunstroke this time round.

A number of equally debaucherous things have happened since.

I went to Barbie’s 50th Anniversary/Birthday with the Bokkie, got a Limited-edition 50th anniversary Barb and got a bit bamboozled. Somehow we thought a prank was in order and had already left the Engen so eggs weren't an option...and I never think a prank is in order.

I'm usually the uptight bitch that tells everyone to behave themselves. Needless to say, Bok and I were caught on CCTV cams and now the Ex isn’t talking to me. I’m not losing any sleep about it though. Hey, at least we didn’t slash the tyres!

I did schneaky tequilsh shots with the boss-man and some of the team at H2 to the iz-O. Don’t even try ask how.

Hit up (not-so-soon-to-be but soon enough)Doc Curls’ Blue 21st immediately afterwards, on that very same night. I had to drive my mom there as boozed as a coot. I’m dead sure she could smell it because she kept asking why I hadn’t put a nice perfume on. Bahahaha

I wore a long top as a dress. I’m only 5ft.25 so who gives a f*ck, it was more than long enough on these pins. Wore my Spanx type number underneath to ‘suck and tuck’ it all in and was so freaking afraid that the ‘dress’ would ride up to expose the beige splendour underneath, à-la -Bridget Jones. I won’t lie to you – there were a few close calls.

Met some rad peeps that night. Doc Curls has a glorious group of mates that don’t make me feel like such a grandma. Turns out Doc Curls, her mum and my Maj had a conspiracy going to set me up with Doc’s mate, Trace of Base’s, middle bro (comprehendo?). He’s rad, even had me sokkie-ing with him, and I had him knocking back the tequilsh so it wasn’t too awkward.

The little 21 year old young'uns biscuits had me cracking up when, during the chorus of the song ‘Free falling’, they all spontaneously dropped to the ground (including Doc’s mum in her elegant evening dress, who, on most occasions, I’ve found to be ever so proper) and simulated a sky-diving free fall. I did some damage control and covered the bday girl’s lady bits that she happened to be exposing by pulling her dress over bum to cover her up. There certainly was no way in hell I was ‘free falling’ on the deck in my dress anyway so at least I could be of some assistance instead of looking like the only standing moron while they were all on the floor. Legends!

Halloween was a ripper, actually one of the best in years. Did the Manhattan thing again. I decided I wanted to be Tinkerbell this year. It was that or Catwoman. After a Bookface survey I reached the conclusion that Tinkerbell was the best idea because most ladies dress up like a cat or a witch on Halloween. So I was going to go against the grain. I like being different. Only who has a little green fairy number just lying around?

Cue Vig and Bokkie saving the day. Vig went and got some green material and we decided on a straight tube dress with a few alterations to make it more 'Tink-like' . Bokkie has a sewing machine. Tick.

Only the sewing machine didn’t work. un-Tick (Cross?). So after we spent the whole of Thursday night, with Salad and Foccacia trying the sewing machine, Bokkie said that she'd take it to the tailor for me.

All in all, the dress was pretty damn awesome. Even had cute Blue wings, had sparkly make-up one and put pom-poms on my shoes. Best damn real-life Tinkerbell you’ve ever seen, after Holly Madison of course. I don’t know what I would do without those two – they really saved my life. I love them like a teen in the Cape Flats hits up the tik and that’s oodles!

Doc Curls met us there, nogal with a Blue witches hat on (is the obsession with the colour Blue going too far?) with Trace of Base wearing pig ears, a doc mask and a tee that said ‘Got Flu?’ on it…She was Swine Flu. Apparently it was all the rage in the States this Halloween.

I was Dave that evening so endured my drunk Bok and Vig hurling highly entertaining drunken obscenities like ‘Wys jou muis!’ and ‘If I were you I’d swap that Milkshake and Hamburger meal for a salad and water you fat whore!’ at the Fat Wench (she is one - she wasn’t in Halloween costume) we know and highly dislike, that was in front of us in the McD’s drive-thru queue. Pure entertainment. At 5am. It doesn't get funnier than that!

Since then I’ve helped make Joburg great(er) by watching my beloved Goldfishies at Emmerentia, been part of the 287 strong, Guinness Record breaking, Bikini-clad crowd in the Special K Bikini March at Melrose Arch, and cheered on the throngs of insane cyclists completing 94.7kms (and got sun burnt to sh*t, look like Larry the Lobster) in the Momentum Cycle Challenge this past Sunday.

I also got (w)horrendously broken last Thursday at Manhattan with the team. Sikalekeke-ing and busting it in heels that are easily 6 inches high. I don’t have to tell you what 2 beverages were responsible for the madness, do I? Cue one of the worst at-work hangovers I’ve had since Feb. Jesus, Mary and holy St. Joseph: Phuza-faced Friday if ever there was.

Friday was hard work just to get through. And had the SA vs. Eng Pro 20 match at the Wanderers on Friday night which turned out to be highly eventful. Torrential downpours, ex-boyfriends and their insecure girlfriends, Bok almost losing her slops down the Cortlett Drive river and then providing the entertainment for the evening with her piece I'd like to call 'Bush dive'. Too flipping hilarious!

So, I would like introduce you to my new favourite word, I may as well since it is the title of today's blog:
‘POSKANTOOR’. (noun) [pos-kun-toer]
A highly offensive term for a person

Yes. For those with a firm grasp on the Afrikaans language that does indeed, mean ‘Post Office’. But for us it is also a more palatable (and less offensive) version of saying ‘p*es, c*nt, h*er’.
Bokkie and Vig apparently came up with it during a recent painful trip to the Post Office. I think it’s a welcome addition to my vocab anyway.

And lastly, for some reason I currently have a fascination with bunnies. Strange that. :)

Promise it wont be another 2 months ‘til my next post!

P.S: For all those Joburgers give http://www.youmakejoburggreat.com/ / http://youmakejoburggreat.wordpress.com/ a look! YOU make Joburg great!!!

H x