I’m not going to lie. After reading Miss ‘Pea’s on Toast’s’ hysterically funny and darn right on-the-money blog for the past few months as well as one times Flame Haired Genius photographer’s (sometimes) weekly ‘Monday Morning you look so fine’ Blog I’m inspired. And not so much as to jump on the ‘F*ck I’m so rad and eclectic I have my own blog’ bandwagon but because at the moment there’s a shitload of stuff on my mind and I could do with a good vent.
A good vent is needed in its entirety right this moment. As my one colleague ‘Double T’ (as she will from now be known) so rightly puts it daily at least 4 or 5 times a day, due the current state of affairs: “I’m sick of here”.
You see, some mothertruckers conned our office security guard, tied him up with his own shoelaces, steal every piece of useful infrastructure we had (including our server) as thought it a dandy old thing to do on a Sunday Avy. WTF?
But that’s not even what’s getting to me. What’s getting to me us the fact that ‘Lucky Star Pilchards’ thought it wasn’t at all important to get someone else to take the back up drive home. And so it was left in our (not so very) safe that wasn’t bolted down or onto anything and the assholes got that too. Au revior to almost four years worth of work at this company…Blood, sweat and tears. F*ck.
So here I sit. Sans my own computer, with email and internet slower than a moped trying to summit Van Reenen’s pass, which is better than yesterday. Yesterday, and the whole of the last week, I was contemplating asphyxiation with my branded lanyard. We are now in our second week of this crap.
I’m normally “Little Miss Optimistic”, the person that tells everyone that all will soon be well and we should all just stay positive. But of late it’s increasingly hard to muster optimism to inspire the masses when you’re barely convincing yourself. I’m just tired of having no ZAR remaining in my account and having to use my credit card, or worse going into overdraft within the first 2 weeks of getting paid.
I still, however, believe that things happen for a reason and one is never entirely sure what that reason is. Somehow I have the feeling that things will soon improve – they have to.
And then theres my love life, or the lame excuse for one that I currently have.
Gosh.
In general, before, recessions, decisions, burglaries and moves I was pretty damn happy. Poor, but happy. Never before was I as happy and as happily single. Going, out, meeting new people, having a complete jol at every opportunity, dancing til my feet swell, gymming my ass off and the one man in my life I will never shun completely, Jose Cuervo. But one gets those days – you all know which ones I’m talking about.
Those days (or nights) when you’d much rather be in bed with someone you like / love / will learn to love watching soppy Ro-coms, eating Woolies Lemon Cheesecake and doing one of my all time favourite things, Spooning. Vomit. Those are the days I feel like offing myself, but then again I’d never actually have the chutzpah to do it.
And then to top it all, you go on a jol with some friends or collegues and get a comment like: “Shit Hails, you’re so freaking amazing – please tell us why you don’t have a boyfiend?”
That’s it.
Shoot me now.
Please.
Pretty please.
Or a least give a sister 20 bucks for every time she’s been asked that question in the last year so she can pay off her part time studies AND have that MacBook she wants so desperately?
Yes, it is true that I do love, no make that worship rugby, as well as hotstuff centre Jean de Villiers for that matter. Blush. I also love cricket and have been known to have dated a certain Mr Bell from the English cricket squad & jol with him and his team mates quite extensively in my VERY early 20’s. Good times. Ja, ja, good dancer, flexible, loves gym. Blonde too. I also like to think that I’m remotely funny (or at least fun to laugh at). But please tell me where in all the futile afore-mentioned info does it raise the ‘she needs a boyfriend stat’ alarm? Someone please elaborate. Why do I a NEED a boyfriend?
You need the loo, you need to brush your teeth, you need to go on a diet you fat pig, but does one really need a boyfriend? But, I’m not at all saying I wouldn’t like a bf, cos that would be just peachy, but I’m somehow okay with being single and able to mingle.
On Friday night, after a phenomenal SA vs, Aus 20/20 match at Wanderers (God Bless Vodka Fanta Grape & the SA Squad), a group of us headed to the old faithful ‘Manhandler’ also more commonly referred to as ‘The Hat’, for an opskop of sorts. So Desmond Swazi Biltong Bro (Part III) and his fellow Swazi china that wears his heart on his sleeve bring up this point. Again. Please keep in mind I say this with the meaning being interpreted quite literally - he really was wearing a (plush) ‘I love you’ heart on his sleeve.
So Biltong Bro Part the Third then Ching-chong-cha challenges me to a ‘BEST OF 3’ duel because ‘how the hell are you single?”. If Part the Third wins he immediately sets out to find me a suitor and if I win I continue to be a free woman.
Needless to say, I won. Of course I won.
Now I'm off to ogle the dishy personal trainer at gym.
Adieu.
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